Gay Rights, Equal Rights.... Special Rights!??

           The issue of Gay rights is huge in media and politics right now. Everyone is putting in their two cents on the issue and hoping to one day have the law reflect their personal point of view. Honestly, it's crazy to me that this is still an issue in American society these days. I don't understand how such a "progressive and civilized" society could possibly be debating over basic human rights. I mean, lets face it, that's what this is all about. People's rights to live a free life, love whomever they desire, and pursue happiness and success against all odds. I'd like to believe I'm from a country forward thinking and on the edge of cultural acceptance and knowledge, but as many of us know around the world, America isn't always a beacon for hope and social truth.

          In America and around the world, people are fighting to be heard and be equal, and it's not just the gay community. People everywhere are literally dying for basic human rights and respect. Now, especially through the magic of social media, people can share the stories of the struggles affecting them and their communities. Not to create "an issue" or dramatize their struggles but to create awareness and change for a better and safer future. The issues are so widespread and hot these days, people are turning up the heat. One day my friend tells me someone said to her that the fight for gay rights is a fight for special rights and treatment under the law. I thought... Special? Like our parades? I don't understand what he thought was so insanely outlandish and "special" about our wanting to be respected, recognized, and protected in our own country?

           Honestly, I figured he was just bitter about our amazing city parades and our fabulous Downtown drink specials on Friday nights. What else could be so unique about our lives and our rights?? What is so special? Since when has having your life and rights protected under law been an unreasonable thing for an American to want. Should I decide to, I hate that I have to hope to adopt a baby in the state I live in due to the laws and hope to have the legal rights offered only by marriage to protect my relationship and partner, when the day comes. First off, those life decisions and choices should be every individuals choice and option. Second off... I don't get what some straight people are all tied up in a knot about! Whats so threatening about us having free and fulfilling lives?  

            How can me wanting to have a family and a relationship legally recognized by my government and state be me asking for too much? We are not asking for the American government and people to leap hurdles and give up their family values and morals, like so many small minded people think! Seriously!? Anyone who believes that has never widened the scope of their very small view... and knowledge of the world and people. We want the same thing everyone else does, a happy and fulfilled family and life. We want to feel safe and free to walk down the street in our own city  and not be gawked at or judged. We just want our straight friends, family, and neighbors to understand that we're not fighting for gay rights, there's really no such thing. We're fighting for basic civil liberties and human rights.

Black & White.... The Expectations of Sexuality.

            When it comes to the issues of sexuality and sexual identity it's completely unrealistic to think that the issues are completely black and white. Still, many people believe that the lines of human sexuality are not only black and white but solid and obvious. They believe love and sex has one construction and arrangement, regardless of the fact that human history and society has proven this to be merely wishful thinking.  Many people can't wrap their minds around a sexual orientation or identity that isn't like their own. They can't understand how someone could possibly feel differently about sex and the expectations that go along with it. From birth we're all taught that straight people are the "norm" and majority. So, I imagine straight people never think twice about their sexual attractions and impulses. I gather this is why some straight people think we have chosen to be gay or live a gay lifestyle, as many put it. I always find that kind of ironic though, because if you truly subscribe to the idea that my sexual orientation happened by choice and not by chance, how is your being straight not a choice as well?

            It's obvious to me that people have unfair and irrational concepts of human sexuality and what is truly "normal" across the board. We were all taught the same foolish social guidelines in our early youth. We all knew early on what society expected of each of us young boys and girls. We were taught girls are soft and boys don't cry, ect... That turned into women are submissive and men are strong and dominant. As a man, gay or straight, you're expected to BE a certain way and like certain things. It's ridiculous! Personally, I believe there are many grey areas when it comes to sexuality and sexual identity and trying to compartmentalize and label people is unfair and unjust. There is a huge array of differences in our human personalities and societies. It's obvious to most of us in the LGBT community that people cannot be so easy classified.

            Differences in the human race are never black and white. Not even our ethnicity or skin color can be so easily identified and categorized anymore. Times are changing but the expectations of sexuality remain. That's one of the reasons I started this blog. To explore the world of what people expect especially in terms of sexuality and why. When I came out I constantly heard, "But, you're too pretty to be gay!" That was the first time I really came face to face with what people expected of me, especially in a sexual sense. It was sad. I've dealt with it since I was a young child into my young adulthood. I know I'm not the only one who can identify with these insane notions and contradictions found all over our society. At one point or another I'm sure most people have been afflicted by the expectations of sexuality. I'd like to take this forum to say that there is nothing you must force yourself to like or want because that's what someone expects of you. We must take the expectation out of sex and sexuality so people can be themselves, no pressure, no judgments. 

The Baby Sitter is GAY!?!?

            A while back I met a woman named Michelle at my job and her beautiful newborn baby girl, Aaliyah. We sparked up good conversation and after awhile she told me she was going to be taking evening classes and was looking for a sitter. We had such great rapport I offered her my number, told her I had years of experience and references she could call, should she like me to watch her daughter during the week. The following weekend Michelle called me asking if I would watch Aaliyah on such short notice. I had nothing planned besides a quiet night in with my girlfriend so I told her I was happy to take care of the baby for a few hours. My girlfriend and I have no children of our own so we love it when we're asked to babysit cause it feeds the maternal instincts in us both for a few hours. Within the hour she was at my apartment which is in the same complex as her's so I walked out to get the baby and her things. Michelle told me she would call later to check up and asked me to keep the food, blankets and clothes she brought for the baby. She thought it would be a good idea if I kept a stash of Aaliyah's baby supplies at my house since she would be with me during the week. I agreed and said I'd see her later.

            My girlfriend helped me with the not-so-heavy car seat as I walked inside the house and I couldn't help but be surprised that Michelle did not come inside to meet whoever I lived with and see my home. Personally, I'd be a back-ground check, piss test, credit check kind of parent , but not everyone in the world is as cautious.. or rightly and properly paranoid as I. Knowing my home is a well-kept, safe, and sanitary place, I didn't think too much into it. Aaliyah was a good baby, she did not cry much and slept mostly because she was still only weeks old. She was absolutely adorable and I was honored to have her in my care. When her mother Michelle arrived, I asked my girlfriend, Annie, to take the baby and her car seat out to the car. I introduced Annie as my girlfriend and told Michelle, Aaliyah slept mostly and was good otherwise. I told her I looked forward to seeing her and Aaliyah again soon and we all said our good-byes.

            Days turned into weeks, and I hadn't heard from Michelle so I contacted her to ask about her night classes and my watching Aaliyah during the week. After she blew me off a couple times and ran into and away from my girlfriend and I one day in the neighborhood, I got the picture. When she came to pick up Aaliyah she learned I was a lesbian and didn't want me watching her baby girl. Only then in that moment did she not like or trust me suddenly. It broke my heart. She never even came back for her baby's supplies. I left them in my pantry for months hoping my assumption was wrong, but every time I saw the GoodStart formula and the baby clothes, and bottles, my heart grew heavy and I knew. Once upon a time, I'm sure someone told her a story of someone or a group of people who were homosexuals and how they were perverts or evil. Maybe they told her gay people are sick and try to "recruit" children or perhaps they told her gay people cannot be trusted, because homosexuals are immoral and no better than pedophiles or murderers. I've heard all these things and unfortunately I know there are people who truly live by and believe these impossibly ignorant ideas.

            Ignorance is not bliss, and to believe that homosexuals are equivalent to pedophiles is not only damaging to the gay community but to all kids and communities influenced by this type of false information and propaganda. ALL children are affected by the untruths told about the gay community. By telling children to watch out for gay people, they are not looking at or for the right cues that tells them someone is bad. You know, like a bad energy, or vibe? I mean, have you ever met a gay person? The last thing you get from us is a evil energy or bad vibe!? At worst some of us may come off a little Diva, but common? Lol Think of what the word "gay" means! (Google magic for anyone too young or too uncultured to know the word "gay" actually meant something else about 100 years ago.) We must change this faulty way of thinking. Pedophilia is something completely outside the range of normal human sexuality and sexual interaction. It has nothing to do with heterosexuality or homosexuality. It is an evil we all want to keep away from our children.

            All right minded and morally sound adults can agree kids need to be protected. I just think many people need to take a second look at who and what they think they need to protect their kids from because we're not the enemy here. People must look at the whole person and not just their sexual identity. How can we limit and judge a person's ability to safely care for a child based on that fact? Seriously, how much sense does that make? One thing has nothing to do with the other! Still, it happens every day. Many parents would rather a straight person watch over their kids simply because they feel straight people are more honest, moral and trustworthy. It's absolutely absurd and I pray for the children that are put into the wrong hands again and again. Sexual orientation has nothing to do with childcare and I pray people start looking at the totality of a person's character and soul and not who and what they do behind closed doors.

Hate the Heirloom.

            Young adulthood is a difficult time in any body’s life. It’s a time marked by blossoming independence, initial heartaches, and lots of good old parental conflicts. Aside from the everyday experiences of peer pressure, popularity contests, and simply trying to navigate through society, kids today are up against some hefty challenges. When you add being gay to the typical teenage challenges many gay children end up feeling scrutinized and carry a heavy burden of additional expectations and pressures. It's difficult to learn and become who you are when you know you're disappointing so many people, including your parents, in the process. When you're young and gay the pressure to be and feel loved and accepted is unbearable. Many times, because we feel early on that we have something we must hide, many of us repress not only our feelings but who we are entirely. This is the beginning of a long dark road. Repressing anything will almost always lead to a teen’s physical health being affected, their grades dropping, and in many times it may manifest as depression and/or anxiety. On top of the emotional weight, being introverted can also make a child the target for bullying or teasing. We all remember the stories of the merciless school bully... or being one for some and in the last couple years we have heard countless stories of teens bullying other teens to the point of suicide. 

I’m not sure why there was not more coverage over the incidents. Apparently the American media would rather play smoke screens than figure out why our kids are killing themselves at such an alarming rate. Nothing's been done. The media’s coverage in the past was narrow and people's lives were too easily forgotten. Where was the public outcry against the hate that made these kids feel like there was no hope? Who is going to take responsibility for this epidemic of discrimination and hate spreading through our schools and our nation? If things don’t change today kids will literally continue to kill themselves on our watch. Literally. They are giving up on life because we can’t seem to make a world where they feel safe and free enough to grow-up and become who they’re meant to become.   

What's worse? To know there are adults completely OK with segregating and demeaning other people and the fact that their ignorance and hate is handed down to their children is disturbing.  Historically, we've seen this happen again and again  Hate is passed on like an heirloom from generation to generation. Where do you think school bullies get their rage and lingo from? Someone has to tell you what the word “faggot” is and why or how to use it. It shocks me that people allow their kids to pick up their close-minded ideals. They approve the dislike of certain groups of people… as long as their gay people! Honestly, all types of discrimination and racism occurs every day to many different types of people. At one point or another, we've all been the target for misguided hate and/or bigotry. The cure? Truth and awareness. We need to start educating our children with facts so the cycle of world-wide discrimination ends already. Things need to change. We must bring back our hope for a better tomorrow and a peaceful future for our kids, for our neighbors, for us all.

LGBT Suicide Stats:  http://www.pflagnyc.org/safeschools/statistics

LGBT Suicide Hoteline: 866-488-7386 or  866-4U-TREVOR

"...But Lesbians are Ok."

          I always run into gay guys that tell me I’m lucky I’m a gay woman and not a gay man because it’s ten times harder to be an openly gay man rather than a lesbian. It breaks my heart because every time, I know they are right. It’s sad that in this beautiful country of ours many gay & bi-sexual men do not feel safe enough to live as fearlessly and openly as us lesbians do, or straight people for that matter! I have always been the type of woman to show my lover PG rated PDA. Holding hands, sweet pop kisses, and cuddling up in a theater are things all couples should feel free to do. Unfortunately, because of societies double standards, these little moments are not enjoyed by all and people all across the country feel the need hide the one thing that most people want to scream from the roof tops about. Even though being a lesbian may be "easier" we are all constantly on our toes and watching our backs as a community. There are always varying degrees of people who don't like us or don't understand us... nor want to. 

          It aggravates me when people say, “Lesbians are cool but gay men are gross or just plain wrong!” It confuses and amazes me every time! I'm like, Did you just hear yourself!?!? That's the most immature thing I've ever heard! It's practically hopeless because everywhere I go people LOVE to get into the “Gay Debate” with me. As if, suddenly, I was polling political views and opinions on the LGBT community! It’s like someone commenting or debating the fact that you may be a single mother or of mixed races! Like... HELLO!? Not only is it unnecessary, annoying, and frustrating, it’s off-putting and immediately changes the dynamic of any relationship. People like to put their two cents in when it wasn’t asked for and love to do so when it makes them feel superior to another. It happens far too often and I know not just to me. Too often people demean and look down upon others. They repeat stereotypes, untruths, and lies told by others about others, and it’s more than shameful! It's causing the breakdown of our society, our compassion, and our humanity. 

          What's worst is to hear grown adults speaking in such a juvenile manner around children! Kids of all ages repeat and believe what they hear, so the cycle of inherited dislike, disgust, and ignorance becomes a sad part of our history again and again. We’ve seen it happen before, encouraged by the governmental and religious hierarchies that govern our planet. Different groups and cultures have been oppressed and treated unfairly. Today the current social target is the gay community but the African-American still deals with prejudice everyday as do Jewish people, and others. There is bullying and targeting in the adult world... shocker that we have a problem in our schools. We as adults must think twice about the social concepts and ideas we hand down to our children. It’s not fair to them because at this point, many people have knowingly and with total consent doomed the next generation to bigotry and narrow-mindedness. We must teach them to see people for who they are not what they are.

          There are no fundamental differences between gay men and lesbian women. A homosexual is a homosexual regardless if they’re male or female. If you pass judgment on one of us you pass judgment on each of us under the LGBT spectrum. That’s why we refer to each other as family. In our fight for equality, understanding, and our safety… we fight side by side. That’s why I take such offense to the insults men and women think they can say around me because I’m a gay woman and not a gay man. Lucky for the unaware, I’ve been around enough to know that when someone says things like this, it’s usually out of immaturity, lack of knowledge, and/or personal insecurities. Most people are not attempting to morally weigh in how they feel about homosexuals, they are simply childishly reacting to some inappropriate visual they created in their head and it’s not right to judge someone off of the things you imagine they do in their bedroom. It's none of your business! If that was the case, I think most people would back out of a discussion and debate over bedroom lifestyles. It's time to set stereotypes and ignorance aside. Stop degrading and discriminating against our brothers, and uncles, fathers and friends. Each of us all deserve to live a blessed life full of love and laughter, family and support. 

Yes I am and NO you cannot Watch!

I am what my community calls a femme. As a femme, It’s always been a shock and hard for people to bridge the gap between my physical femininity and the actuality of my lesbian lifestyle and identity. They are always shocked and/or confused to hear that I am gay and not some sexually confused youth or “Has-bian” Lol A lot of times after the “You ARE!?” question comes the inappropriate inquiries, advances and statements. A lot of young or immature men think a feminine lesbian is a woman interested and open to making their little lesbian themed fantasies come true. It’s gross and at my young age, already redundant and annoying. It still shocks me how forward and offensive people can be. I’ve gotten, “Oh your gay, I’ll take you and your girlfriend!” or “Wow! Can I come too?” or “Can I watch!?” Seriously!?!? Where in my explanation of me not being interested because I’m gay, did you hear “… but… YOU can join!?” It gives me an ill and angry physical jolt every time. This is the crap us women are subjected to. 

I get that there’s a common curiosity over lesbian relationships and intimacy. Everyone always asks if the sex is like in the porn’s or what they imagine… and the answer is no, it’s not. Porn is basic, boring, and for show and the close-minded definitely cannot fathom the reality of what happens between the sheets and entangled bodies of two women. Honestly, I can’t say I don’t understand society’s or men’s interest in lesbians. One woman is beautiful but two together is almost too much to handle. I understand they want to know what the hell it is that we are doing to one another that well, honestly they can’t. Many straight people don’t get how two women can experience true passion and pleasure without a man or penis involved. Not only is it possible it’s amazing and sacred when between two devoted, committed and loving individuals. So please stop asking the lesbians and bisexual women you encounter about our sex lives and recreating them for you. Guys think it’s a funny or a challenge but it’s just awkward, shrewd and shows how immature of a man the creep is. Now to clarify, I’m far from a man hating lesbian I just don’t want them in my bed! So in conclusion and for the millionth time! When you ask.... Yes I am, & NO you cannot watch!

Coming Out (to yourself first) is Hard to do.

             One morning, when I was a sophomore in high school, a friend and I got dropped off late to school by her mom. When we stepped out of the car I was overwhelmed to see my entire high school rattling the front gates of the parking lot. They were screaming and yelling across the street. When I whipped my head around to see what was causing the mass hysteria, I saw twenty men, women, and children picketing in front of my high school. They’d come down from Kansas somewhere to protest against the gay population in my school and my school boards tolerance and education program. Since we were the most highly populated high school in Florida at the time, they targeted our school for press, but that’s irrelevant.

            They were screaming and yelling with signs saying “Mathew Sheppard in HELL for 3 years,” “9/11 FAGS FAULT,” “AIDS is GODS cure for the FAGS,” “GODHATESFAGS.com.” Without thinking I ran across the street to the nearby cop and asked him what was going on. How could they be allowed to spew this garbage and hate at minors!? He told me it was a peaceful protest and I cursed him out asking him to take another look at what they were doing to my high school. Peaceful!? I’ll never forget that. As I went off on him and the protesters he threatened to arrest me for cursing at him and “causing a scene.” I could barely stomach the irony. After I ran back to the school, the campus was in shock. The kids who were “out” were scared and in tears. Everyone was talking, debating. It felt like a movie as I watched helplessly at the aftermath. I felt as if everything was moving in slow motion around me and I was numb because at that point, I'd just gotten into my first relationship and I’d not come out to anyone. I was the only one who knew so needless to say, I felt scared and alone. 

            As a child I had little crushes on boys and girls because I think we all look the same at that young age with our soft features and voices. As I grew, I had homosexual thoughts and tendencies though I did not recognize or understand them at that young age. I remember playing Barbies when I was a kid. I had a Ken doll but when Ken went off to work, Barbie’s friend would… come over LOL I can still remember making my Barbie’s kiss and play naked. When I was in daycare, I had a friend I always tried to be alone with because I liked her and in fifth grade, I began to ponder the facts and wonders of sex. Once, while I waited with some friends for school to start, they got to talking about two girls being together. Everyone was saying how gross that would be, but I stood there silent and anxious. The thought more than intrigued me and I hoped no one could notice. Like the time I tentatively watched a classmate get up from my lunch table and walk away. I caught myself starring and immediately put my head down praying no one had noticed me watching at her. Even though I was too young to understand what those feelings meant, I remember thinking “Oh my God, I pray no one thinks I’m a lesbian. I hope no one noticed.”

            In high school, the issue was front and center as I'd met someone who stirred up the emotional and sexual side of me for the first time. I knew that is was not a phase and I had to face my homosexual feelings and lifestyle by telling my friends and family. I waited for months before I said anything to anyone and it took me half a year to tell my mother,a fact that initially broke her heart. At 15/16 years of age though, it was difficult for me to tell her something I was afraid would change how she looked at me. There were countless nights I cried and begged and prayed to God to help me understand why I felt the way I did and if it was wrong to make it go away. Most gay people can relate to those moments. It's a little after the light bulb goes off as you realize, alone to yourself... & out loud, "OMG, I'm GAY!" It's a bitter-sweet moment since you feel like a weights been lifted off your shoulders, all is clear, the damn has broken and you're free!! On the other hand, you know the things you're up against, the hate, the discrimination, the fight for rights you suddenly join because now you don't get the privilege of having them.  

            I cannot explain to you how passionate I am about this topic. I was caught in a battle as a young girl over my blossoming sexuality. I’d grown up in the same society as you, and I knew being gay wasn’t the easiest thing to be in America. Between my faith, social and family pressures I felt I had nowhere to grow up, nowhere to feel freely at peace with myself. What’s worse is at a certain point I felt the need to choose between the life I had and the young woman inside me I was just starting to understand. Keep in mind I came out at 15/16yrs of age, an already difficult time for any young adult. It shouldn’t be like this, this extra pressure of conformity and social judgement is killing the youth in our youth. Young children and adults should feel free to be who they are in and outside their homes. No one should feel the need to repress any part of who and how God bore them to be. No one should feel scared or frightened to discover who they are and rejoice in the complexities that create their character. 

Article on Westboro Protest: http://articles.sun-sentinel.com/2002-03-23/news/0203230254_1_matthew-shepard-wyoming-college-student-westboro-baptist-church