"Who's the Guy and Who's the Girl!??"

          So, here we are on our quest to educate the misguided and ill-informed people of today’s modern society. It’s time to pull the covers back, metaphorically speaking, on the not so inconceivable truth of what it is to be and grow up a gay American in a seemingly straight society. May I start by respectfully saying, these words and thoughts are purely mine and of my experiences with the society and people that have affected my life along the way. I have encountered some of the craziest, most challenging, situations and statements imaginable in my 26 years of living and 10+ years of coming and being out of the closet. Many people don’t understand what it is to walk around and be stared at as if you’re a strange animal from another land or questioned and harassed by the stranger you just walked passed. Like many other openly gay individuals, these are scenarios I know all too well, some painful and damaging others comical and ironic. Like when “the funny guy” at a party corners the unsuspecting lesbian couple and sarcastically asks, “So, who’s the guy and who’s the girl?”

          Most lesbians will laugh when you ask this question, keep in mind I said most, and PLEASE don’t confuse that chuckle with our enabling your lack of common sense... or decency. It’s actually quite annoying and many times insulting if you ask such a ridiculous question. In a lesbian couple, may I clarify, there is NO MAN. Just because it may be obvious who likes to physically wear the pants and skirts, does not mean there is an assumed “man” in the relationship. I have gotten this question since I came out, and I get a kick out of it every time! What do you mean who’s the man?? Who calls the shots, makes the money? Who’s more dominating and “tops” the other? Who takes out the trash & decides where to go out for dinner!? I mean seriously, a lesbian is a lesbian because she does not desire a man, so why ask two women who the "man" in their relationship is? Lack of knowledge or straight up lack of respect?

          Lesbian women do not identify themselves as men nor do their partners. If a physical woman identifies as a man than she is transgendered which is a whole different part of the LGBT rainbow. I find it interesting that when some people see me with my short haired girlfriend they assume I think of her as a man and that she wants to be one. That’s a very narrow way to look at a person. Just because she dresses in men’s jeans and Jordan’s doesn’t mean I look at her and see a male. The woman is simply wearing the clothing and shoes that she’s comfortable in, and honestly, I dig the mystery in a woman who’s clothing doesn’t hug her body like cling-wrap, you know? Now, I know for some of you, you may imply this question… with somewhat of a sexual nature. I get it… you can’t help it, but I’m telling you this just plain off-putting and highly inappropriate. Hello!?? I don’t ask you who likes to dominate who in your bedroom or see you have a kinky fetish. I get that the visual curiosity may be too much for you, but don’t. Just don’t ask something so unnecessary & understand, in the life of a lesbian there are two star women in life and in love.