Black & White.... The Expectations of Sexuality.

            When it comes to the issues of sexuality and sexual identity it's completely unrealistic to think that the issues are completely black and white. Still, many people believe that the lines of human sexuality are not only black and white but solid and obvious. They believe love and sex has one construction and arrangement, regardless of the fact that human history and society has proven this to be merely wishful thinking.  Many people can't wrap their minds around a sexual orientation or identity that isn't like their own. They can't understand how someone could possibly feel differently about sex and the expectations that go along with it. From birth we're all taught that straight people are the "norm" and majority. So, I imagine straight people never think twice about their sexual attractions and impulses. I gather this is why some straight people think we have chosen to be gay or live a gay lifestyle, as many put it. I always find that kind of ironic though, because if you truly subscribe to the idea that my sexual orientation happened by choice and not by chance, how is your being straight not a choice as well?

            It's obvious to me that people have unfair and irrational concepts of human sexuality and what is truly "normal" across the board. We were all taught the same foolish social guidelines in our early youth. We all knew early on what society expected of each of us young boys and girls. We were taught girls are soft and boys don't cry, ect... That turned into women are submissive and men are strong and dominant. As a man, gay or straight, you're expected to BE a certain way and like certain things. It's ridiculous! Personally, I believe there are many grey areas when it comes to sexuality and sexual identity and trying to compartmentalize and label people is unfair and unjust. There is a huge array of differences in our human personalities and societies. It's obvious to most of us in the LGBT community that people cannot be so easy classified.

            Differences in the human race are never black and white. Not even our ethnicity or skin color can be so easily identified and categorized anymore. Times are changing but the expectations of sexuality remain. That's one of the reasons I started this blog. To explore the world of what people expect especially in terms of sexuality and why. When I came out I constantly heard, "But, you're too pretty to be gay!" That was the first time I really came face to face with what people expected of me, especially in a sexual sense. It was sad. I've dealt with it since I was a young child into my young adulthood. I know I'm not the only one who can identify with these insane notions and contradictions found all over our society. At one point or another I'm sure most people have been afflicted by the expectations of sexuality. I'd like to take this forum to say that there is nothing you must force yourself to like or want because that's what someone expects of you. We must take the expectation out of sex and sexuality so people can be themselves, no pressure, no judgments. 

The Baby Sitter is GAY!?!?

            A while back I met a woman named Michelle at my job and her beautiful newborn baby girl, Aaliyah. We sparked up good conversation and after awhile she told me she was going to be taking evening classes and was looking for a sitter. We had such great rapport I offered her my number, told her I had years of experience and references she could call, should she like me to watch her daughter during the week. The following weekend Michelle called me asking if I would watch Aaliyah on such short notice. I had nothing planned besides a quiet night in with my girlfriend so I told her I was happy to take care of the baby for a few hours. My girlfriend and I have no children of our own so we love it when we're asked to babysit cause it feeds the maternal instincts in us both for a few hours. Within the hour she was at my apartment which is in the same complex as her's so I walked out to get the baby and her things. Michelle told me she would call later to check up and asked me to keep the food, blankets and clothes she brought for the baby. She thought it would be a good idea if I kept a stash of Aaliyah's baby supplies at my house since she would be with me during the week. I agreed and said I'd see her later.

            My girlfriend helped me with the not-so-heavy car seat as I walked inside the house and I couldn't help but be surprised that Michelle did not come inside to meet whoever I lived with and see my home. Personally, I'd be a back-ground check, piss test, credit check kind of parent , but not everyone in the world is as cautious.. or rightly and properly paranoid as I. Knowing my home is a well-kept, safe, and sanitary place, I didn't think too much into it. Aaliyah was a good baby, she did not cry much and slept mostly because she was still only weeks old. She was absolutely adorable and I was honored to have her in my care. When her mother Michelle arrived, I asked my girlfriend, Annie, to take the baby and her car seat out to the car. I introduced Annie as my girlfriend and told Michelle, Aaliyah slept mostly and was good otherwise. I told her I looked forward to seeing her and Aaliyah again soon and we all said our good-byes.

            Days turned into weeks, and I hadn't heard from Michelle so I contacted her to ask about her night classes and my watching Aaliyah during the week. After she blew me off a couple times and ran into and away from my girlfriend and I one day in the neighborhood, I got the picture. When she came to pick up Aaliyah she learned I was a lesbian and didn't want me watching her baby girl. Only then in that moment did she not like or trust me suddenly. It broke my heart. She never even came back for her baby's supplies. I left them in my pantry for months hoping my assumption was wrong, but every time I saw the GoodStart formula and the baby clothes, and bottles, my heart grew heavy and I knew. Once upon a time, I'm sure someone told her a story of someone or a group of people who were homosexuals and how they were perverts or evil. Maybe they told her gay people are sick and try to "recruit" children or perhaps they told her gay people cannot be trusted, because homosexuals are immoral and no better than pedophiles or murderers. I've heard all these things and unfortunately I know there are people who truly live by and believe these impossibly ignorant ideas.

            Ignorance is not bliss, and to believe that homosexuals are equivalent to pedophiles is not only damaging to the gay community but to all kids and communities influenced by this type of false information and propaganda. ALL children are affected by the untruths told about the gay community. By telling children to watch out for gay people, they are not looking at or for the right cues that tells them someone is bad. You know, like a bad energy, or vibe? I mean, have you ever met a gay person? The last thing you get from us is a evil energy or bad vibe!? At worst some of us may come off a little Diva, but common? Lol Think of what the word "gay" means! (Google magic for anyone too young or too uncultured to know the word "gay" actually meant something else about 100 years ago.) We must change this faulty way of thinking. Pedophilia is something completely outside the range of normal human sexuality and sexual interaction. It has nothing to do with heterosexuality or homosexuality. It is an evil we all want to keep away from our children.

            All right minded and morally sound adults can agree kids need to be protected. I just think many people need to take a second look at who and what they think they need to protect their kids from because we're not the enemy here. People must look at the whole person and not just their sexual identity. How can we limit and judge a person's ability to safely care for a child based on that fact? Seriously, how much sense does that make? One thing has nothing to do with the other! Still, it happens every day. Many parents would rather a straight person watch over their kids simply because they feel straight people are more honest, moral and trustworthy. It's absolutely absurd and I pray for the children that are put into the wrong hands again and again. Sexual orientation has nothing to do with childcare and I pray people start looking at the totality of a person's character and soul and not who and what they do behind closed doors.